ME: Mom, close your eyes! I'm going to hide the Afikomen!!
ME: Mom, you have to close your eyes.
So I hid it underneath the blanket that was folded quite nicely on the top of the back of the couch behind where I was sitting.
Nextly, we moved on to... THE FOUR QUESTIONS.
ME: [flips through Haggadot, looking for the four questions] OKAYokayokayokayokay, here we go. On all other nights we eat either bread or matzoh. Why is it that on this night we only eat Matzoh?
MOM: To remember how the Jews couldn't make bread when they were leaving Egypt.
ME: Good. Okay. On all other nights we eat all kinds of vegetables. Why is it that on this night we only eat [insert Hebrew word for horse raddish]?
MOM: To remember the pain.
ME: On all other nights we do not have to dip our vegetables but once. Why is it that on this night we must dip them twice?
MOM: To remember the salt in the tears.
ME: On all other nights we simply sit. Why is it that on this night we recline on cushions?
MOM: Because it's over.
ME: WOOH! LET'S FIND THE AFIKOMEN!
She ripped the blanket off the couch and--
MOM: You got the coated stuff?!
ME: Yeah. It was in the pantry.
Then we ate some matzoh.
MOM: It's not the best chocolate I've ever had.
ME: It's not the best matzah I've ever had.
Deciding our ceremony was just about over, I began The Song.
ME: DAY DAYENU! DAY DAYENU! DAY DAYENU! DAYENUDAYENUDAYENU DAY DAYENU! DAY DAYENU! DAY DAYENU! DAYENUDAYENUDAYENU-- COME ON, MOM, SING ALONG!
Her rendition of the song was something like...
MOM: Day dayenu. Day dayenu. Day dayenu. Dayenudayenu. OKAY, WE'RE DONE.
So then I came back to the computer because Passover Seder Super-Reform-Style was supposedly done, but then I remembered...
THE GRAPE JUICE.
ME: MOM, WE FORGOT TO DRINK GRAPE JUICE.
MOM: Okay, there's some on the table if you really want it.
So I went into the kitchen and I got two glasses and I filled them up with grape juice and then I brought them back to the couch.
MOM: Oh, no, wait, we're not going to have to recite all the plagues, are we?
ME: Oh, yes, we are. Okay. Uhhh... Locusts.
MOM: Uhh... uhh... uhhh... 40 days and 40 nights? No, wait, that's a different story.
ME: Yeah. Uh, Plague of the First Born.
MOM: That was, like, number ten, wasn't it?
ME: It has to go in order?
I had already put away the Haggadot and didn't want to get it back out, so we just rattled off a few more ("Illness, sickness, death! Uhh, darkness! Frogs!") and then clinked our glasses, said something in Hebrew I don't know how to spell but it means, "To life!" and we drank our juice.
ME: It was nice doing Passover with you! Let's do this again next year.