Thursday, January 27, 2011

Chiclets: the Flavor-Coated Gum

Why? Why would you do that? That's not even good advertising. "Why don't they just make CANDY? I'm sure it's easier to produce!" my brother shouts from behind me whilst popping in ten more of the three-second-flavor monstrosities. You just end up with a wad of flavorless gum in your mouth.

Now, I'm sure there are benefits to making such a product. Perhaps they did this because you run out of gum too quickly to have gotten all the flavor you wanted out of that colorful box, and so you have to run to the store and buy six more, just to get the sufficient enough period of time during which you actually taste some fruit in your mouth. Or maybe they just were so excited that they learned how to make gum, that they didn't want to ruin it by accident when attempting to add flavor.

Or maybe it was just some elaborate joke that the country accepted as a fabulous pass-time. Let's pop Chiclets in our mouths until we can't fit any more because we thought that maybe, JUST MAYBE, the more of a certain color we put in our mouths, the longer the flavor will last.

Well, that's not the case. It's just a bad candy.

Why? Why would you EVER?
(Note: I said that without even thinking of the title of this blog.)

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Re: Epobmomic Macarbomy

Economic recovery.

I was informed of this last night when Mom found my blog.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011


People should go to the bathroom at least once every twenty-four hours, or else face worrying about injury.

Smalltalk with Snowraptors

I thought that sounded like a pretty cool title for something.
Today it snowed a lot. I woke up at around eight, rejuvenated and excitable once more, then continued resting until about 10 or 11. This seemed to me like a pretty good way to start a snow day. Then, I watched Top Chef All Stars, which is one of the only television shows I ever watch. Then, I ate bread. Then, I ate cake. Although this hasn't been a most healthful-food-filled day, it's definitely been a delicious one. And then I had to shovel snow. I'm a wimp, a big wimp, so I think you can pretty well imagine how that went. But, for those of you who can't:
So, that's basically what happens. The snow blows right back into my face and I get all angry and start complaining because I'm a wimp and get very cold and tired very easily.
BUT, today, I conquered that stupid snow. I CONQUERED it.
My brother and sister and I conquered that monstrosity today. It was light and fluffy and almost as wimpy as me, which is how I was able to DESTROY ALL OF IT. Pwtchah (accent on the "ah!")!

A few minutes ago, I asked my brother, "Do you want to go outside and make a snowraptor with me?

He said: It's, um, a little dark outside.

Me: So? We'll turn on the outside lights.

Him: Nnno.

Me: How about tomorrow?

Him: During school?

Me: No. After school.

Him: During homework and Fictional World History Club and Boy Scouts?

Me: No. After Fictional World History Club and during homework.

Him: No.

I really want to build a snowraptor so that I can sing a song about them. Somebody volunteer to build one with me. Please. Quickly. Before the snow becomes ice, which it probably already is.

Saturday, January 8, 2011


This one actually didn't happen in the bathroom, but it's still a bathroom joke because...

Okay, so, my sister and I are baking an amazing cake, and we need to make a second layer to put on top, but we don't have more cake mix that'll go well with it, so I need to look up a recipe for a vanilla cake.
So, I sit down in front of the computer and announce to my brother, "I'm looking up a recipee-pee." Hilarious.

I promise I'll stop with the bathroom jokes, eventually.