Monday, December 27, 2010

The Tragic Invention of the Epobmomic Macarbomy

Sometimes, I don't have very good pronunciation. This often happens after I do a bad rendition of a song I hate, during which I mash up the words and put on a silly voice, or after I just haven't been paying attention and I was JUST brought back into the world by some phrase that I somehow understood in or out of context. Last night, it was the second.

I was trying to fix a hand in a drawing I've been working on making wonderful, looking up to go back to the reference picture because I wanted to do the hair instead, when I heard, coming from the television in the next room over, something about people getting excited about the economy starting to get better. I heard the newscaster say, "a economic..." and I can't remember the second word because I just cannot decipher what it used to be before I mispronounced it. But, being the grammar-loving mispronouncer I am, I immediately felt this extremely undeniable urge to correct the TV because it wouldn't hear me and thus wouldn't get angry. I screamed at once, "AN epobmomic macarbomy!!!!" I guess my mom was able to tell what I meant, because she confirmed that I was right, and we went back to doing our own things (for me: Facebook. For her: TV).

So, I've decided that "epobmomic macarbomy" is a medical procedure used to remove the Epobma (a newly found virus) from various limbs on one's body. The condition is called Epoba. It is a serious and sometimes fatal condition. It is also highly contagious. However, it is only transmittable through direct contact between fingernails and toenails.

I had a similar endeavor once at a festival I attend twice a year. There was a sing-along happening, and the song where I said something stupid was a song about cats. It was a song about cats and half the song was a bunch of cat puns that the audience had to shout out. It was quite fun, and I felt so clever whenever I came up with one! Then came this:
What kind of cat is a total disaster?
I knew it, I knew it, and I shot quickly out of my strange in-head world and yelled, "CATASTROPHOGY!"
Somehow, the man running it understood that I meant to say ,"catastrophe," and we kept going.

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